breaking up is hard to do

A long term relationship of mine has changed this year, and I still don’t know how I feel about it. You see, for 20 years Amazon has been my back up boyfriend, my gopher, my go to guy. He’s always been there for me in times of desperate need, or even when I just wanted to save a few dollars, or shop without pants on. Things like that. Two decades of me requesting anything from cookie cutters, to Halloween costumes, long forgotten DVDS, to pet snacks, and him showing up on my doorstep, 2-3 days later, with everything I asked for.


But a few months ago, things changed. You see, nothing on my end changed I swear, it’s him! He stopped showing up on my doorstep, and every time I ask why he sidesteps the answer and instead keeps promising to be reliable again, but I’ll be honest, the trust is gone.


must be Italian

Now sometimes he shows up at my door, (if it’s a big order) but for the rest of the time, he goes to his girlfriends at the post office. Maybe he needed more attention, more hand holding, more people to be around, more waiting and wanting? Or maybe he’s concerned about my anti-social behavior and thinks putting on real pants and shoes and talking to humans face to face would be good for me? Well, whatever his motives to suddenly changing the relationship are, I’m not ok with any of it. We’ve had a few relationship discussions with his close friends who promise me, because of my request, that he will keep coming to my door via our mutual friend, UPS. His friends at the post office sing a different tune, “He lies” they say “He’ll tell you anything but he saves money coming here, nothing is going to change” they say. It hurts. Who do you believe? The company that has reliably saved you for birthdays ad Christmas and for that book you can’t find anywhere else or the Griswold Christmas Vacation ornament? Where else can you get that kind of service?


Ok, so his girlfriends at the post office, they are super nice. I don’t have anything against them, they’ve literally been there for all of us, and actually know my name. But its that the whole point of dating and committing to my relationship with this guy Amazon was exactly so I don’t have to go out of my house. And now? Well, it’s still wishy washy. Granted, we live in Overton but have our original post office box in Logandale (it’s complicated, what is it with me and complicated relationships?), so instead of my mushroom hair drain clog stopper arriving on my door, I have to drive 10 miles ,TEN, to get it. I might as well just get dressed and drive 60 miles into town if this is the kind of effort I’m going to have to put forth.


And now? Well he even put time limits between us too. Before he would stop by between 9am-6pm Monday through Saturday, but now? Well he only wants to be visited 8am-3:30pm, Monday through Friday, and only two hours on the weekend. I’ve lost complete custody and control and for what? A few dollars? I saw him sneaking into the post office at 6am, in an unmarked truck, pallets of stuff he brings to everyone here. He keeps telling me the breakup is about him, not me, but I find it hard to believe anything at this point. So many broken promises, and to think of everything we’ve built together over the years. Maybe it’s time for a breakup? Anyone know of a perfect online place that ships every possible thing you could want to your door? I’m asking for a friend.

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