feel it to heal it

the days of just "dealing" with your feelings are looking at their end. I'd like to think it's like blockbuster realizing within 3 years it won't be around anymore, because, well, the other way is just so much better. and works. and there aren't any stupid late fees.

"dealing" with your life, and this I mean by "dealing" with your feelings by ignoring, distracting, numbing, blaming, projecting or making them your pillars of suffering DOES NOT WORK.

look around you. look at your life. has it ever, ever, ever, ever, made those feelings go away by just "moving on?"

well, maybe it has and you have some secret gift we all want. but for me, it doesn't work.

an ancient civilization believed many moons ago that all feelings are actually people, yup. little visitors who arrive on your mental and physical door step to show you a lesson.

they are there for love, they are there to help you grow, and quite frankly, you haven't been very nice to them at all.

your feelings are the best kind of friend: patient, kind, understanding, sacrificing. and loyal. they will not leave you until you spend some time with them, pour a cup of tea, listen to their message to you. it's not their fault sometimes they have to get, really, really loud for you to listen. you're the one ignoring them, and you are the host, remember?

somewhere we got this notion that feelings are like axe murderers and are all bad and will literally kill you if you let them in.

unless of course, it's the feelings of happiness or success, those ones we run around screaming at like a crazy 1960's Beatle's fan. "COME BACK! I LOVE YOU!!!!! I SWEAR I'M NOT CRAZY I JUST CRY LIKE THIS WHEN I'M EXCITED!!!" and then we trip on our high heel clogs and ruin our perfectly good polyester skirt suit.

it's time to let your feelings in. yes, even the ugly ones.

you have to FEEL them to HEAL them.

repeat that one a few times.

and when you catch yourself feeling frantic or frustrated or just irritated, ask yourself this question:

"I am just trying to deal with this? Or do I have time right now to FEEL it?"

honestly sometimes you don't have time to feel it, so you lovingly reassure that friendly feeling friend that you'll get back to it as soon as possible and show them on the calendar where their appointment is.

if you don't, they might come back at an unexpected and inconvenient time, like when you are opening Christmas presents. or on a romantic anniversary dinner date, or in traffic on the way to an interview and it's totally going to ruin your beautiful cat eye that took 20 minutes to perfect that morning.

give yourself time to heal.

and here's the thing, when you start dealing with your feelings, the newest ones are there first. the babies. they are easy to feel those. they have a short attention span and have just little lessons for you.

but as you go, you'll find that most of the big ones, most of them are OLD. like...ancient. these are ones you've been ignoring for ages. and you then, maybe when the pain of them feels overwhelming you are tempted to go on a backward journey to look at all of you past childhood hurts and haunts and traumas.

but...that's kind of a waste of time. and it's also delaying the whole "feeling" part, and instead projecting energy onto the past.

When trying to decide what feelings to lovingly give space with you, remember one thing, if it's bothering you now, it needs to be felt now.

and it doesn't matter WHERE or WHEN it happened or by WHOM this feeling started with or from. it's just an emotion, and it's there to teach you something.

maybe the lesson is that you don't want to be like that certain person.

or you won't ever betray your own desires for another person's again.

or you don't ever want to feel unsafe, unheard or unloved again.

you don't want to be selfish.

you don't want to be shallow.

you don't want to ignore people's own feelings.

who knows? I've experienced all of these lessons and I'm sure I'll get millions of new visitors along my way.

most of the messages are there for you to realize you are a fragile human when you don't process the crap. when you realize who you are and that the feelings are just part of the lesson, like progressing on a Mario level, then you allow it.

totally and completely.

and it's totally, total, FREEDOM.

and here's the last thing, a lot of our hurts are from people who didn't know any better. or if they did, it wasn't possible for them to do it any differently. very, very, very, very, very, very few people are maliciously hurting others just for the reason they like to hurt others.

they are hurt themselves and are just hurting themselves more by hurting others to ignore their own hurt (I know, it's totally confusing, and unfair and it sucks and it hurts even more when you realize that but it's not about you) ps- you're only responsible for healing your own hurts. don't go into savior mode.


even if all of the hurts WERE unconscious and those people really do love you but weren't able to show it, it doesn't ERASE the feelings of HURT, ABANDONMENT, LONELINESS, BETRAYAL, LOSS, PAIN, DESPAIR, ANGER, RAGE, BITTERNESS, JEALOUSY, ENVY, REVENGE

you get the picture.

those feelings are still there and they have to be felt. you might need some time, you might need some space to heal. you might need a lot of loving care from yourself to give each feeling it's own long lunch date and stroll on the beach or maybe an exotic week in Jamaica. each one takes it's own time with you until you've healed.

and heres' the last thing, PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU ARE WEIRD, and RUDE for needing time and space to heal from hurts. especially if they were the ones to (unconsciously) inflict them. I know, it's crazy but it's true. their feelings and reactions are their own issue. and red flag waver here, if they don't have the emotional aptitude and strength to let you heal on your own time and in your own way, um...you might be ok without caring about them being butt hurt. cuz, dude they have a lot to work on more than you.

well, we all do. we were so excited to come here and learn this thing called life and FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS and grow in so much love that no matter what happens, and who does something WE CAN STILL UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE THEM AND OURSELVES.

and that doesn't come easy, or fast, but it's definitely worth it in my opinion.

"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34

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